Mission Impossibles faced by a Common Boy

07 Sep
Hercules is a demi-god, son of Zeus, who is a Greek God.
Everyone would have obviously heard of him.
He is a body builder (may be like 23rd Pulikesi – he may have painted himself like that. But who cares.) History states so, hence we shall accept the same (vera vazhi?).
If you read about him, you will come to know about “His Labours”, ie, he completed 10 (technically 12) impossible tasks given by Eurystheus.
Seri, Herculeskkum enakkum enna sambandham?
Irukku… (ada Hercules is my Onnu-vitta Periappa Paiyan – camphor promise!!!!).
When I rewind my life, I could see even I have done such tasks.
Though I am not a Gym-body like him, I have endured such labours as well.
Following are such ‘Tasks’.
(Though I am very much sure that after reading these ‘tasks’ you will find yourself in an   extremely “Veri-Erified” mode for comparing these tasks with that of Hercules’, I am quite confident that people will agree with me once they try any of these).
To Win Yellow Belt in Karate:
When I was in my 2nd Standard, my school offered Karate, Chess, Music classes for low fees. (Take the 25 Rupees).
At that time I had no interest in music.
Chess – we have to puzhinjify our brain to learn the strategies.
Hence, Karate was the sole option.
You may ask me, “Nee summave irukka vendiyathuthana?”.
I had no other idea to escape from postponing my homeworks for 2 hours.
Also once I am back home, I will pose myself to be very tired and will try to escape from doing it after classes as well.
Initial classes were so awesome, coz I had to punch and kick the air, imagining that I am fighting Undertaker.
After three months of such ‘Air-fights’, Mr. Bodystoda, My Master, announced that we will be participating in a tournament to goto the next level, ie, from White belt to Yellow belt.
I was in a great mood to kick some ****.
I announced to my family, friends, etc that I will be fighting someone in a tournament.
On the D-Day, I was called to stage. The opponent was not very big or looked threatening, just a ‘Ennaipol Oruvan’. He was as ‘built’ as me. I thought I can beat him in a minute.
But – one single punch in the stomach – total damage – full of glare – I fell down (please develop the hints).
I was in tears.
But the referee (Padu paavi) dragged me and simply said “continue”.
I expected the boy/referee to be quite generous to stop the fight. But they were not as humble as me.
I just tried to punch two or three times (closing my eyes), but my hands were nowhere near him.
Another punch in my stomach.
Again fell down. All over.
But this time I was a bit alert, I held the mat on ground firmly so that the referee cannot drag me again.
But to my relief he announced the winner.
And before I got down, they gave me the yellow belt as well.
Appothan oru matter sonnanga – whether you win or not you will get that belt and move onto the next level.
Finally achieved my task of securing a yellow belt.
(Nee adichadhu oru pulla poochiya, nyayama enakku Black-beltdhan koduthu irukkanum.)
To Watch a Horror Movie Alone:
Easily said than done.
Only if you try it you will know.
Even mokkai ghosts will seem to threaten you and kill you.
But successfully I have, until now, watched 8 horror movies alone.
(Try it if you dare)
To Dodge the Bin-Lady:
The next task is something, all boys who have played in streets, would have faced.
We used to play cricket, football, seven stones, police-thirudan (in childhood), etc in streets.
There will always be one house, where one old pAtti or an aunty will be sitting outside and warning us, “If the ball falls in my house, you will never get it back.”
Those times (fortunately) “Why this kolaveri di?” song was not composed. So we had to find solace with “Sodhanai mel sodhanai”.
We used to sing this, whenever she gives that dialogue.
Me and my area boys will play carefully enough that whenever we hit to that house, we will ensure that the Lady is either sleeping, or out of house.
Sometimes, a cousin brother of a friend, or another friend from another area would join us.
He will always hit it straight to that Lady’s hand and exclaim,” Cha!! Sorry da, timing miss aiduchu”.
Here comes the task. To get the ball back from her.
We will say all possible lies, plead with all our heart. But that stone-hearted SornAkka will not even consider hearing our pleas, let alone giving it back.
Onetime, when my other area friend hit the ball to her, I had to go and ask her. Since it was ‘my other area friend’ I was obliged to do so. (Gentleman agreement).
“Aunty ball”
“No way. Odi poidu.”
“Seri ok aunty, paravala.”
I came back empty handed. My friends started scolding my other area friend. He got angry and kaa-uttufied to me.
Still my friends forced him to ask her or get a new ball.
He said he will never speak with me again and went to that house.
He simple took a stone, threw at her window.  She immediately came out and tried to catch him. He started running, so she too thought of chasing.
In that gap, one of my ‘sundeli’ friend, sneaked to her house and got back the ball.
We started running the other direction and reached our house safely.
We all waited for another 3 days, and then started our ‘play’ again.
(Similar performances continued until we finished our schooling.)
To Start a Blog:
A very tough job for a somberi.
An even tougher job to write about it.
Even more tougher, if I have to write it again.
About this achievement, I have already written in detail in my “Ithu Verum aaRAMBAMdhaan” post.
Please read from it.
To Escape Dog-Bite:
Kandadhum Kaadhal – everybody knows.
Kandadhum Kaaichal – only those who have seen a street dog, while going alone in a street knows.
Oneday, I unfortunately got up early. I was sent to get the newspaper from the mart, which was about 5 streets from house.
In one of the narrow streets, I had to encounter a street dog that started following me.
I started pedaling my cycle fastly, but the dog was quick enough to accelerate, to maintain the balance of distance between us.
Suddenly I felt a chill running through my body. The dog was near my legs.
I tried all those “leftla indicator pottu, rightla turn panra tricks”, but the dog looked all set to kavvify my legs.
And there was this stone. One small stone that saved my life.
Nah – I dint throw the stone at it.
Naan avalo periya veeran kedaiyathu.
My balance slipped, when my cycle ran over it.
I fell down.
I thought for a moment, the dog had me. But when I got up slowly, I couldnot see the dog anywhere.
I could hear its barks coming from next street.
I guess it got terrified seeing me falling down.
Eppadiyo – Mission accomplished.
To Score the Winning runs:
You can put mattai for a whole day and score 50 runs and claim yourself to be the King of Cricket, but whenever you face a situation where you have to score more than one run in the final ball you face a Mission (Almost) Impossible.
Even while watching tv, in this situation, we would have made all the nail-cutters useless.
(Nail-biting momentnu solla vandhen).
If you score, you are the king. If you don’t you get rotten up by everyone.
I had to score just one run out of that one last ball.
Still my team already decided the match is a draw. And that was okay for them.
But not for me.
I always wanted a situation like this and loved to score such runs (never did it though. just loved to do it).
The bowler was a left armer. He changed his style from fast to spin.
I was beaten.
But I said I was not ready and it was not to be considered. (In my childhood this was considered to be a totally valid reason to rule in favor of batsman).
He shifted back to pace (obviously he got irritated).
I was not ready to face him. So I thought if I don’t score, I will use the same trick again.
So, I dint even cared to swing my bat.
He tried for an Yorker, but it hit my legs, missed my leg stump and went past the keeper.
I ran to the other end.
Mission Accomplished.
To Give Judgment:
Its usually referred to as “Natamai-panradhu”.
In my school, daily there will atleast be one fight between the students. Both the fighter, after getting tired, will come to the Natamai to seek justice.
The Natamai also will feel proud of this and declare judgment (without any sombu and aalamaram).
One day that Natamai took leave. But the fight did not.
So they came to me.
The only reason was – “Naan mattumdhan anga siricha mugama irundhen”.
Both were my dear friends.
I dint know what to do.
So, I started doing cost-benefit analysis.
At what cost I am going to give this judgment and what will be the benefit I will derive out of it.
If I support one, I will get maximum one Lacto king chocolate. But the other person will definitely buy me an éclairs for sure.
So my judgment was already reserved for Mr. Eclairs.
This was a case of ‘not showing in exam’.
“He said he will show the answers. But he dint. He got 45, I got only 25. Now I have to write 50 times imposition.” was the complaint from Mr. Eclairs.
Judgment – “This is worst act that can be committed by a student. So as per E P Ko (Eclairs Pocketfulla Kodupavan) 420, you will have to write half of his imposition.”
“Natamai theerpa maathi sollu” shouted the appavi , and in whisper “appadi sonna naan oru dairy milk vaangi tharen”.
So me continued – “But, Our Geetha Miss is a very strict teacher. If you got caught both of you may have had to write 100 times imposition. Hence what Mr. DM did was correct. You have to apologise to him. Ithuthanda Natamaiyoda theerpu.”
Mr. Eclairs seemed to agree with it and apologized.
(But that Dairy Milk is yet to be given by that boy. Avasara pattuteno?)
To do CA – Enough said.
To do an Audit:
Toughest of all obviously.
I will write in detail about in my future articles.
Posing as if you can audit is definitely a “Mission Impossible”.
Anyways one such tougher incident can be read in my my post – “Oru CA trainee kandupiditha ariya thathuvam”.
 Ippo enna solreenga – naanum Herculesum relationsdhaan. 
(PS – reading this post without getting ‘kaduppu’ is also a Mission Impossible for the readers ;-p).
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Posted by on September 7, 2012 in Weirdo Special


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